Al the African MVP

Hello again...

Just so ya know, I love the comments. Please feel free to comment whenever the mood strikes.

I don't have good pictures to go along with this post, so instead I'll just add random pictures of our misadventures all throughout. Ok? Ok. Here's one now.

This one was taken at a Noreabang (pronounced Nor-ee-bong). Apparently, the Japanese are not the only Asian nation obsessed with paying money to sing popular hits. The only major difference between this place and Karaoke bars is that Noraebangs have private rooms, each with it's own singing set up. The one we were at had rooms about the size of a comfortable US living room. The bonus was that you were allowed to bring in outside beverages, rather than paying a lot more to buy their stuff.

Of course, to be fair, I'm not certain we were allowed to bring it in. It could also have been that they didn't know a good way to explain to 6 large Americans that we couldn't bring in our stuff. Of course, I'm not sure there IS a good way to say that...

There. You got a picture. Now listen to this.

I'm talking with one of my classes, like I'm suppose to do, when they start talking about Mad Cow Disease again. Having already narrowly escaped an aneurysm last time, I tried valiantly to change the subject. However, these little... darlings... wouldn't give it a rest. As long as I was defying death I decided to see if I could learn anything else about this deadly bovine threat. Turns out, between this and some of Jen's web surfing, we have a decent theory.

Know how we worry about businesses being in bed with the government? Turns out there's no need to fear in South Korea. It's already happened.

Basically, there's 6 major corporations that control most of South Korea. Some you've heard of: Hyundai, LG, Daewoo, etc. These folks make EVERYTHING. The city buses are Daewoo. My apartment is made by Hyundai (lousy mileage, FYI). They're controlling the market on blenders, cars, construction materials, media outlets, food distributors, you name it. The States try to start selling extra beef to South Korea. The Sinister 6 (Spider Man? Any one?) couldn't match prices. The SK government still bought it, thinking it be good to offer beef to it's citizens. So when a rumor on the net about Mad Cow reached the Korean peninsula the media jumped on it like it was Ivan's last BBQ rib. Soon it's coming out of every outlet- tv, radio, magazines, the works. Several groups in the US attempted to try to correct the misinformation with pamphlets and things, only to be told their material would be taken out and replaced if it was shipped.

Now, I'll be the first to admit this wouldn't fly back home. We don't trust our government, our news media, each other, or ourselves. Only Oprah. And sometimes Dr. Phil. But South Korea's nationalism is borderline unnerving at times. Anything made in China is crap that will fall apart. They're still angry with Japan for not having apologized for occupying Korea. I know you're wondering: Japan occupied Korea from about 1910 until about 1945, following the Japanese defeat in World War II. There is also a dispute between Korea and Japan over ownership of the Dokdo Islands, which not one of you care about. I promise.

But I made you read all that because it is also widely believed, and here comes the kicker, that the only thing keeping North and South Korea from being one big happy family is the American Military presence.

Still with me?

Yes, they're right. If the American military wasn't here then there would be only one Korea. Of course, it be a desperately poor war-torn military dictatorship with horrible human rights violations and a complete cut off from the outside world, but it would be unified...

Ok, that was depressing. Time for another picture.

This is me with John. John is the father of Melissa, a Canadian I work with. It is a shame John couldn't have met my folks, they would have gotten along great. As it was, Melissa had to call it a night while John and I, along with Jen and two other Western folks we met randomly, sat around and had some laughs until the sky bright again. He was an absolute trip. He and Melissa took off for Hong Kong for a few days while he was here. He'd come in from Australia and was heading back home to Canada for a bit with plans to visit Singapore, or maybe Thailand, next.

Now that's what I call retirement.

But we have not made Al an African or an MVP yet, have we? Well, let's do that.

During this thoroughly depressing conversation with my class they began to alternately bash China, Japan, and the US. Eventually, with a growing headache, I asked them if they realized I was from the US. There was a look of utter confusion before one of the 13 year olds- yes, 13- said, "But teacher, your African!"

"What?" I asked, my brain beginning emergency shut-down procedures.

"Africa. Teacher is black." she replied, clearly perplexed as to why I didn't know my own heritage.

"No, I'm not." Fighting the urge to just lay down and take a nap, I whipped out my Ipod and showed them a picture of a black person. "That is a black person."

"But you are darker than me." She pointed out patiently.

"So is everyone else." Granted, not my most professional response. But all things considered an incredible show of restraint.

I will now have to give public thanks to Jessica and Mark, two of my fellow teachers, for warning me something like this could happen. I don't know if I could have kept my brain inside my skull otherwise.

"If it hadn't been for that horse, I would never have spent that year in college..."

And here's a shot of Jenn with, well, Jennifer. She is yet another amongst the Western Plus working crowd. Her and her boyfriend Jeremy are wrapping up their year here in South Korea. They're a lot of fun to hang out with. We're enjoying golbi, that delicious Korean staple, while sitting on the floor. For the record, we're over that. They have both tables and chairs in Korea. Why they aren't more popular is a regular point of wonderment between Jenn and I. My Jen, not the other one. Well, ok, dark Jen. Maybe African Jen?

My fellow teachers have found my new found heritage to be the source of great amusement. And to be fair, so have I. Having only seen 4 black people away from the nation-dividing US military I have not had an opportunity to compare notes.

Ok, so this part I was very happy about.

Saturday was PLUS day. All Plus employees (easily 50+ Koreans and around 15 foreigners) loaded up on a bunch of buses and we were driven out to a park about an hour away where we had a huge sports day. They fed everyone tons of food, served copious amounts of alcohol, and had a huge branch vs. branch competition. Jen's branch, Gerium, and my temporary home, Junggay, fought over which school would get me. I stayed out of it, thinking perhaps it was a "You take him!" "No! You take him!" moment, like middle school basketball all over again. Turns out they both actually wanted me! I know, I was surprised too.

So we get down to the competitions. Let me tell you something: My wife does not mess around. We can't be certain, but we're pretty sure they pulled her from one of the games for messing up some poor Korean girl. There were a bunch of sheets of paper on the ground, one side white and the other black. Two teams had about a minute to flip as many as possible to their side. Jen claims it wasn't true, but from where I was sitting I'm pretty sure she had this chick in a headlock. She did confess to "knocking over" several teachers who were attempting to sit on the papers. God, I love my wife.

Her husband, on the other hand, managed to make a good showing for himself. I had a beautiful hit in kickball, as well as scoring a MUCH needed out on a pop fly. Although, to be fair, I also ran into a beer truck trying to chase down another hit to the out field. Yes, it hurt. And yes, it was very funny.

But my time to shine came during tug of war. Your favorite African (I'm thinking Nigeria. I'd love to visit.) took up anchor and knocked out 6 matches in a row, back to back. My much more athletic teammates, pulling from the front, still gave me a lot of credit for the win.

In the end, Jen's team from Gerium dominated. My folks at Junggye pulled second. But the MVP, out of all 65+, was none other than yours truly. I got a big round of applause, and even better, $100 cash. That's Narnia money right there.

How impressed you are by this depends on how long you've known me. Folks who have known me since college are impressed. Folks who knew me in high school are floored. Eli, Dan B., and a few others fell out of their chairs and are unconscious on the floor.

Some one should call a doctor. Seriously.

My parents, of course, always knew I could do it.

My brother doesn't believe me.

Ok, time for another pic.

This is a picture of Mark and a little old Korean woman in the subway. Mark had no idea what she was saying, which was fine, since she had no idea what Mark was saying. The best part was 2 minutes after this was taken when she sprayed him dead in the eyes with pepper spray.

Ok, ok. That didn't happen. But wouldn't it have been hilarious if it had?

Ok, This one has gone on long enough. We're doing awesome out here, aside from the fact that every muscle in my body hurts. Jen is hurting too and just wants to lay in bed alternating between naps and reading her book. So I'm stuck hanging out in the PC Bang playing online games.

"Wow, it really is a hard knock life."

-Dan Sterling

As Always,

Al

P.S. I had one more to share. This is following the picnic, and I thought it was a good shot. From left to right: Naomi (Japanese, pronounced No-a-mee), Jessica, Meaghan, Dillon, Mark, Jen, and Devin was unfortunately about two feet too far to the right. Well, his left.

Dysfunctional Schools and Mad Cow Disease

Long time no see. How goes it back home?

That's rhetorical. Don't feel an obligation to answer me.

So several folks have been asking about how the whole "job" portion of our Korean Adventure is going. Well, wonder no more.

For me, the nuttiest part of the whole job is the absolute lack of expectations. No one here, Korean or Westerner, expects me to know anything, answer any questions, or even be able to accomplish what I am contractually obligated to do. Thing is, the Koreans are amazingly disorganized. They honestly have no clue what is going on at any given moment. We have 4 teachers who are heading out of here in a matter of weeks. I'm actually pretty sure we've got no one to replace them. The Western folks here made the mistake of getting themselves heavily vested in a dysfunctional organization- something I have just a teensy bit of experience in- and are often very stressed about work. Their kids won't listen, they are behind in the text books, they can't get solid answers from the management, and, of course, management has no clue what's happening in the trenches.

I couldn't be happier with it.

These are a few of my kids. Jen and I each teach about five classes a day. They're broken down first by age, and then by ability. Our Western friends are absolutely correct in every one of their concerns, but after some of the misadventures Jen and I have had on the other side of the Pacific this one is a no brainer. We just don't care. We show up, do what we're told, and then we go home. Don't get me wrong, we do our best while we're there. But if Plus School goes bottom up in a year I won't care, long as I get my paycheck. And they won't, by the way. Plus has it's problems, but it's a cash cow. If you have an English school in a pretty building and some white people wandering around you will make money. Period. So we get paid. Plus gets paid. We try to teach some kids English along the way. Far as I'm concerned, that's a win-win. And as we all know, that's all I go for.

In answer to the popular question 'How do you teach English when you don't speak Korean?' the answer is 'The kids speak English.' Not a ton, but the most basic kid here speaks English about on par with my Spanish. I'm actually pretty sure we're mostly for show. These kids meet with a Korean teacher as well, typically longer then they see us, and that's where they're learning most of the stuff.

Random fact: Ever notice how Koreans have a tough time with R's and L's? It's cause this letter: ㄹ makes both sounds. So now you know.

On to more interesting tid-bits. See this?

This is a picture of a Korean man taking pictures of a bunch of us at a park having a picnic. This is something else driving some of our friends here batty. People stare at us. And I mean STARE. Like open, obvious, focused... staring. On the subway, on the street, out to eat, once in a bathroom. Ok, not really. But I wouldn't be surprised. Personally, I've just taken it as a compliment. I've always believed that all women wanted me, and all men were jealous. Turns out Koreans just can't hide it as well as all of UCF. And SCC. And high school. And that brief stint in Canada. But I digress.

By the way, here's us at the park.

See that tall gold building behind us? That's the 63 building. It's the tallest building in Seoul. They are very proud of it. It's only 63 stories tall. Now, I wasn't mistaken when I told you Seoul is as big as New York. Turns out it was only very recently that the Korean government allowed building to be taller than Calgery Tower, and this building was the first. I have no idea what or where Calgery Tower is, but I'm betting it's old, important, and less than 63 stories high.

Speaking of the Korean government...

Ok, don't think about this too long. If you do there is every chance you'll have an aneurysm and fall over dead face first into your keyboard. You've been warned.

Turns out the Korean people like their new president about as much as US likes Bush. I'm not making this up. I swear it.

Turns out Koreans are upset because all of the beef in the US has Mad Cow Disease. This diseased beef is being purchased by South Korean President Lee Myung-bak and it will kill all Koreans who eat any of this beef in about 5 years. This is a hardcore belief folks- the Koreans won't even entertain the notion this might not be true. Jen found this magazine. No, I don't know what it says but I can take a good guess.

Now before you write off all Koreans as gullible fools, please remember that our country made Anna Nicole Smith a national celebrity. It also contains an awful lot of citizens who pass along forwards claiming that if we all don't buy gas next Thursday fuel prices will finally go down. I love my country. I'm just sayin...

Random wonderful thing in Korea:

This is the statue in front of a movie theatre near where we live. Yeah... I know, I was impressed too.

KOREAN SIGN TIME!!

Clearly, there is no leaning allowed in Korea. Also illegal: Falling out of mysterious trap doors and landing head first. I'm guessing it's an insurance thing.

Lanterns, BBQ, and Soju. Oh my.

Ok, first, the slideshow.

Dan's right, it did deserve a little bit of an explanation. This Monday is Buddha's birthday (which of course you already knew). The Sunday BEFORE that Korea celebrates with a lantern festival. Jen made the paper lantern, I got us some real ones, and all in all we had a good time. The folks in the pics are some of our coworkers. The redhead is named Jessica, the brunette that I'm NOT married to is named... well, it's pronounced No-me. I forget how to spell it correctly. Both are good people.

As long as I'm doing introductions:

These are our coworkers. Next to Jen is Sam, and across from us is Jessica (again) and her boyfriend Mark. They all work at Gerium with Jen. I'm working temporarily at June-gay (can't spell it), it's a long story but the short version is they made it worth my while and it's only through the end of June. The folks there are really cool as well, I'll snap some pics and post those.

Speaking of promised pics:

That's the laundry room/porch. It's pretty much sealed in with sliding doors that have glass and screen. And the clothes are dry, if really really wrinkled. Luckily, I don't care.

Someone had asked for the apartment from the outside. I not only got it, but I got something cool happening. Well, cool to me anyway.

That's the front of the building. They're moving someone in or out, I'm not sure, from the 5th floor. Where I also happen to live. That handy contraption makes moving a hell of a lot easier.

Which brings me to another picture.

This, cats and kittens, is Soju. Soju is the local firewater, running something like 40 proof and having an aftertaste not unlike vodka. Which, as most of you know, I hate. But that bad boy has about 6 shots in it and sells for less than $1 a bottle. Sometimes you can pick up 2 for 80 cents. So if you scroll back about 4 pictures or so you'll see a bottle of that bad boy sitting next to the gallon of beer they have for around $5. That particular evening Sam and I enjoyed perhaps a bottle or two more of Soju that was strictly professional. But it was our first night out, so what the heck right?

The pic was taken around 1:30am. 2 hours later Jen, Sam, and I are sitting in front of their version of a 7-11. They actually put out patio furniture. We're seated at the center of three plastic tables. The guy to my left is fast asleep in his chair. To my right are two men talking very excitedly to each other. No clue, it was in Korean. All were still in suits and ties from work. We enjoyed another bottle of this potent little guy before determining it was time to haul a wardrobe, measuring about 6 feet tall, about 4 feet wide and every bit of 3.5 feet deep, the block and a half from where folks like to dump really nice furniture (more on this later) to our 5th floor apartment. My neighbors LOVE us. The toughest part came when we realized it didn't fit through the door. I still maintain we defied physics. It doesn't fit.

Why does that matter? Well...

After I finally went to sleep I dreamnt that, again, not making this up, Ivan and I defeated Godzilla. I held Godzilla in a headlock while Ivan took a sledgehammer to him. Afterwards, Godzilla turned into a pair of Golden Retrivers, mom and pup. We finished the dogs off.

Woke up from THAT little trip to slumber land and found we had banged up this oversized dresser all to heck and back getting the block and a half, up the elevator (no, we didn't even TRY the stairs), and into our apartment. So after a long discussion with my darling I came across a piece that was much prettier, but was the same size. Being alone and not feeling exactly 100%, I ended up getting a guy to drive his truck over, help me load it, and then helped me get it into the building and to the elevator. Which brings me to how I figured out we defied physics. See, the new one won't fit through my door. And we're having trouble getting the first one out. So the pretty one is sitting in the hallway outside, and the old one is blocking a pretty sizeable chunk of the hallway that is our foyer/dining room. I have to take off my backpack to make it by. Yeah, the neighbors love us.

Lesson: Stay away from Soju.

Anyway, good news on the food front: We found bulgogi!! (Pronounced Bull-go-gee, both hard g's) It's Korea's answer to BBQ. They bring out a TON of sides and a nice sized pile of meat, which they cook in front of you. Or you cook it. Mostly, they cook it because they seem to get nervous when I get too close. Here's some pics, sense it's been a while.

This is us, seated on the floor like good Koreans, enjoying some Bulgogi.

This isn't technically bulgogi, because it was pork, but this is what one order (though meant for 2) looks like. SO FREAKING GOOD.

By the way, they still do soda in glass bottles. And ya know what? I think it tastes better.

Ok, final note before I call it a night (we're pushing 2:30am local time). Movies here show up the same day they do in the states. And all they do with American films is subtitle Korean at the bottom. Funny thing- it's not nearly as distracting if you can't read it at all. Why does this matter? I'll give you 3 reasons:

1. Iron Man (AWESOME. Stay after the credits)
2. Kung Fu Panda (I admit, I'm excited)
3. INDIANA FREAKIN' JONES BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yeah. That will rock.

G'night my friends. You're loved.

Lantern Festival, Sunday May 5th, 2008